Many Helpful Professional Coaching Suggestions For Staying Married
For many new parents, it can be very difficult to comprehend the change in their lives. They may well have become accustomed to the idea of living together and operating as a cohesive partnership, but when children arrive this throws the delicate balance off course.
What may have been a perfectly happy marriage can become, rather quickly, a rocky road. Tactful tweaks and adjustments will be needed by both partners in the relationship to smooth the path, and not only for new parents. Maintaining a happy and successful relationship when kids come into the equation really does require us to constantly work at our relationship with our other half.
Have a look at everything from a big perspective, especially if you begin to doubt what is happening, start to worry or even become mad. Do you feel that you cannot properly see the problem due to life’s complexity? This is particularly apt when applied to two frazzled parents who have to just keep going! From an overall perspective, both now have to take on additional jobs and become multiple role players. In a situation such as this, even more pressure can arise as each person tries to concentrate on their new role, to the detriment of the other relationships. In the case of new parents, the mum may put so much effort and attention into caring for the new arrival, that the marriage may not seem so important a priority any more.
When mum is so absorbed with the new arrival, dad can feel as if he is completely surplus. In this situation, you might start to believe the mum is the one to look after the kids and step back. Subconsciously or otherwise, this may result in him backing away from the relationship as a whole, even though he thinks it is the right thing.
Both parties need to watch each other and look for tell-tale signs. Look for signs of overload, irritability or a short temper. Don’t dismiss any negative vibes such as this, as if left to fester small problems tend to grow large, ugly and hard to crack.
It is always best to sit down when the kids are asleep or in school and have a heart-to-heart conversation with each other. Ask yourself whether you are being reasonable and ask the other for their honest input. Remind each other that things have changed now that you have additional family members and this is to be understood, priorities now look different.
You both have to work together as a cohesive team to raise your children in the way you want, and you shouldn’t underestimate how much effort and active input this takes from both of you. Give yourselves a pat on the back and never forget that you two represent the lead team in the family!
It’s not all doom and gloom You do need to prioritise time together, but just make sure that your time represents quality time. Ask yourself when you last spent a weekend away together or did something fun with each other. Plan a really nice, romantic dinner and don’t forget those meaningful, romance filled surprises, from back in the day.
Mums can face a considerable challenge, especially if they are working as well and it’s useful to consult experts to help them manage the juggling act and the myriad of emotions they will face along the journey of motherhood. Thankfully, online life coaching is a marvellous way to pick up some truly professional coaching, and when it comes to coaching for women, it’s the perfect place to turn when life becomes manic!
Amanda Alexander, Director of Coaching Mums, helps pressure-cooked, stressed working mums who long for more hours in the day. Through her coaching programmes and online life coaching courses, Amanda shows mums how to create fulfilling and successful lives. For your simple 5 step guide to balance as a working mum, download our free eBook today!